tastebuds & earbuds

ai seven in heaven? no

We start with a recap of last week when they kicked off DeAndre (praise the lord, hallelujah) and everyone is crying. Seriously? Be glad you're one step closer to the crown and shut the fuck up.

Wow...what awful styling from Tommy H. Oh look, the Jesus freak has a tree tattoo on his arm. Edgy. "Choose your individual style...out of my god awful closet." AWESOME. Thanks Tommy H...I can't wait to wear these super cool clothes.

The theme is "2010-today"...wow...that's a random theme. I mean, why don't you just say "current hits" or top charts? And Akon is the mentor...does he even speak literate English?

1. Skylar:: from Mississippi...COUNTRY. She's singing Kelly Pickler? Seriously? That's more mediocre than singing Carrie Underwood. Is Kelly Pickler someone you really want to emulate? Whatevs. Also, how is it OK that this 16-year-old is singing a song that starts off with "I remember when you made love to me...." I'm so over Skylar.

2. Colton:: from Tennessee...so sorry they're all from small nowhere towns. He's singing "Love the Way You Love"...???? Jimmy said it's between Colton and Phillip and that makes Colton angry. Because he's with Jesus and Phillip is obviously not. Ha. Oh lord...he's playing a white baby grand. And there is lots of fog. And he's wearing a weird tailored jacket with a hoodie under it...and that god-awful now-blonde mohawk. He's so edgy. Hey, I hate Colton...in case you didn't know.

Same duos from last week? Or is it just random that these two got paired up again? Elise and Phillip...doing my fave "Somebody That I Used to Know"...and I love this song...I hope they kill this. Not a great version. They did it better on Glee last night...but I just love that Phillip. Even Steven Tyler said he has the song on a loop (I could probably listen to it 20 times in a row...and I'm not going to lie...I think I have.)

3. Jessica:: from San Diego...and finally we know...she's Filipino (also...why is it spelled with an F when the country is spelled with a PH? I'll never understand)...she's singing "Stuttering" (or something) by Jasmin Sullivan. Jimmy and Hannah don't know that song. Who cares about Akon because he's possible the lamest mentor of all time. But he thinks Jessica needs to eat a hamburger or two. Only piece of good advice I've heard from him tonight. I hate the song. It's actually pretty awful. But I don't deny she has a voice.

4. Joshua:: from Louisiana...another small town boy. He's singing some song by Bruno Mars...I don't know it...wait...he has a dancer, like on the Voice...so dumb. He was good. I wouldn't hate if he was the winner...as long as it isn't Colton. Seriously. Also, someone needs to tell the judges that Joshua isn't interested in getting that GIRL's phone number. Also, why does his dad get to come up on stage?? Seriously? That doesn't seem fair.

Colton and Skylar are paired up again...I guess they agreed with me that last week's pairings were pretty good...so who is Holly going to sing with since her partner DeAndre got the boot? They are doing another country duet. Lame. Also, nobody really thinks these two are dating. Even though it seems Skylar doth protest too much (and she seems to wish they were)...it's not as good as last week's duet. Plus, poor Colton (did I just say that?)...he has to do two country duets two weeks in a row. Make dumb Skylar sing a non-country song...or is she not capable? What happened to the days when the singers had to sing OUTSIDE of their genres?

5. Holly:: it's her week to go home...she's from Texas...I thought she was British or something? Maybe she just has a speech impediment. She's singing "Perfect" by Pink...and she can't even pronounce the word "perfect" correctly. This is going to suck. Yep.

6. Phillip:: from Georgia...another small town boy...pawn shop worker...haaaaaaa. He's doing Maroon 5's "Give a Little More"...love him with that guitar. Can Phillip please be my boyfriend? I don't even love this song. But he's great. Definitely the next Dave Matthews.

Oh lord...Holly got lumped into a trio with Jessica and Joshua...this is going to be a SCREAM FEST. And they're singing "Stronger" by Kelly Clarkson. So really, it's all about recycling American Idol winners' songs. It's awful from the beginning. And we find out that Joshua and Holly are besties...ummmm...OK...fast forward...can't even watch this mess.

7. Elise:: in the money spot...from Charleston (yay!)...she's singing "You and I" by Lady Gaga...she wanted to start on the drums...they said no...so she starts on the piano? what's the difference? drums would actually have been cooler. I don't know this song. I don't love this song. I'm kind of surprised it was the finale...although nothing else was really that awesome either...but the judges like it. Eh. I don't get it.

I can't quite believe they had the same duets instead of mixing it up. Fine...nobody blew it away this week. It was all just fine.

Bottom three:: Holly, Skylar, and PLEASE GOD Colton...but probably Elise.

UPDATE:: First of all...worst group song...Pink's "Raise Your Glass"...awful. Also, did you know one of the lines is "panty snatchers"? Anyway. In a "shocking" results episode...Joshua, Jessica, and Elise are in the bottom three. And Steven Tyler pretty much says they will use the save tonight. Interesting. Jessica is the bottom vote-getter. She's not very dynamic and her she sings songs that aren't fun and youthful even thugh she's a teenager...I can see how she wouldn't have a big fan base. But the judges are shocked. And she's in shock. And JLo (and the other judges) storm the stage and don't even let her finish. Of course they are saving her.